i'm feeling bad again. gut feeling, i just know something is wrong. i hate this.

maghahanap na lang ako ng babaylan.

babaylan. the only one that can commune with the spirits, maybe with her help i can finally understand what i'm feeling. i just found out that there are still some existing babaylan. a friend of my brother told me. one lives in negros. so far. maybe one day i'll be able to go there and meet her.

next year, i'm planning to go to a place where my spirit has been calling me to go to for almost two years now. the place it seems is "mahiwaga". i have always felt that something is missing with me. maybe by going there, i will make myself complete. full circle. i'm talking shit. but now, i really don't care if nobody understands me. as long as i'm happy.

and i know, one day i'll be happy. it'll be the death of my stories but at least i'm not hurting anymore.