remembering home # 1

i've always been attached to trees, maybe because my memory of home was full of trees. manga, guyabano, avocado, kape, niyog, bayabas, kamias, kakawati, lanzones, paminta - wow sobrang dami pala ng mga puno sa paligid ng bahay namin! gustong-gusto ko 'yon, yung gigising ka na may mga ibon at mga kuliglig na kumakanta sa'yo. tapos matatanaw mo sa bintana mo na blue na blue yung langit tapos medyo mahangin. that's the best kind of weather - sunny but windy. ito yung perfect na panahon para tumambay sa duyan.

duyan - it was a rope thingy like. colored white, nakatali sa pagitan ng dalawang puno ng lanzones. pag umuulan nililipat namin yun sa may kamalig (another word for bodega) para di mabasa. i was the youngest in the family for eleven years, so nung nag simula ng mag-school si mel (yung ate ko na one year ahead sa'kin), i was often left alone. pagala-gala sa paligid ng bahay namin. making up stories and talking to myself hehehe. the trees were my company. they provided me with the attention i needed. i was such an ugly duckling before, and the trees were good to me (hehe bitter). they don't say anything, they just listen - listen intently and sincerely.

i've never been this attached to trees before. trees were just trees. pero after a typhoon earlier this year (not milenyo i swear) everything in my world shifted. it started when i opened our backdoor and two fallen avocado trees greeted me. damn those avocado trees. they were a very big part of my childhood. i remember looking up at the trees and the unreachable fruits hanging from it. avocado na may gatas na may asukal, the best. then it suddenly hit me. everything that reminded me of home, of childhood, of family, of love, is slowly being erased from the face of the planet, but most of all from my memory.

it really started there. tapos nagsimula ko ng mapansin yung mga bagay na nawawala. yung mga suso na lagi naming inaapakan nung bata pa kami, na tingin ko kami ang may kasalanan kung bakit ubos na 'yon. mga gumamelang pula, mga tutubi, yung type of shrub na ang dami sa paligid ng bahay namin dati, yung mga kakawati, yung mga tao.

kung totoong hindi maiiwasan ang pagbabago, kelangan bang mawala lahat para lang masabing may pagbabago? 'yon lang ba ang basehan? hindi naman sa ayaw ko ng changes, in fact change was good to me, is still good to me (in a way). i have nothing against it really. hindi ko lang maintindihan kung bakit kelangan talagang i-phase out lahat. every little thing that will remind you of the golden years that is the 80's. growing up during this period was a surreal experience. and when you look back at it, it is surreal. everything is painted with a yellow golden tint - at least for me. don't get fooled by what i'm saying, life was not that good for us back then. we have little money but we have lots of love hehehe. and the heck with money! life was simple. and now i can only wish to have that simple complete loving life again - it was easier to breathe, it was easier to sleep back then.