musika

11 September 2006

after that bottle of evil tequila.

i rarely drink that's why i rarely get drunk. seeing me drunk is one of the most special condition you'll ever see me in. i always choose people whom i'll let myself get drunk with. it's bad to let some people not close to you see you in such a sorry state.

well last saturday night, we celebrated my friend's birthday. i've been staying there for the past two days already, just getting my clothes then returning there to loaf around. eat for free. watch tv. talk shit. but that saturday night was the most devastating state i've ever been in my whole twenty two years of existence. and i'm not planning on following it up - yet (hehe).

imagine, one big bottle of cuervo - three stinking people. eeeew. just thinking about it gives me a headache. i will never drink tequila again. no more. no. more.

anyway even if i did get wasted it was a really fun night. and crazy! i don't even want to think about some of the things i did. well i remember texting someone. then calling her. but i can't remember what i said, or am i just trying to forget what i said? maybe both haha! what i can remember clearly is that i was saying sorry. saying sorry again. for what? that's the big question about that. i always tell her i'm sorry, but i really don't know what i'm sorry for. what i forgot to tell her is that i miss her. yes, i really miss her. and maybe it's better that way, her not knowing it.

and here's the catch, my friends were saying that when i was talking on the phone, i was also holding the fucking microphone! ewan ko kung stir lang yun, pero what the fuck! it's very, very, VERY embarassing! the horror... and i can't remember what i'm blabbing about! after that phone call, i passed out. yep that was the first time that ever happened to me. well atleast it was a whole bottle of tequila. but though i was really, really wasted, i did not throw up! imagine peewee clogging up the bathroom sink (he's always like that anyway hehe), knowing that makes me prouder. i was never the throwing-up type of girl anyway.

hmmm around three am, i woke up, wilson and ja-ke (the two late comers, no more tequila for you two!) were still talking and imagine what i felt when i cannot move my whole body! e pucha naiihi pa naman ako! i really can't feel my body - i was numb all over. tsktsk... very scary. wilson helped me, but for the first few seconds he thought that i was just joking! naalpasan ako at ayun! diretso ako sa sahig! what wilson!? i told you i can't move my body! and ja-ke was laughing his head off, nagising daw ang clown. grrr... bad ka! magpapayat ka!

after that, i went back to sleep and woke up again around five. i was very thirsty, very, very thirsty. but no, no cold, COLD water. and i tried to sleep again, staring at the blueish sky and thinking about water and what i told her.

that surreal experience was shattered when my mother called wilson's phone at around one in the afternoon. turns out she was calling me but my phone was turned off (no batteries). she was screaming at me, okay not really screaming, but she was really angry! i forgot that it's my grandmother's death anniversary, and she's looking for me. so there i went home very fast, took a bath very fast, all the while trying to forget that my head is throbbing.

that's how i ended my day, praying the rosary for my lola. then going back home and sleeping very early. today, all is well. i think i can still feel my head throbbing, but i feel much much better now.

but i still forgot to tell her i miss her. and i'm not drinking tequila anymore.

08 September 2006

i'm feeling bad again. gut feeling, i just know something is wrong. i hate this.

maghahanap na lang ako ng babaylan.

babaylan. the only one that can commune with the spirits, maybe with her help i can finally understand what i'm feeling. i just found out that there are still some existing babaylan. a friend of my brother told me. one lives in negros. so far. maybe one day i'll be able to go there and meet her.

next year, i'm planning to go to a place where my spirit has been calling me to go to for almost two years now. the place it seems is "mahiwaga". i have always felt that something is missing with me. maybe by going there, i will make myself complete. full circle. i'm talking shit. but now, i really don't care if nobody understands me. as long as i'm happy.

and i know, one day i'll be happy. it'll be the death of my stories but at least i'm not hurting anymore.

hmm, today is friday. thank god. my body is yearning to sleep for more than 3 hours. later, may tong-its night ulit kina ejot. this is what i've been waiting for for the past few days. ever since nakuha ko na yung dvd ko ng hopia express. hopia express is a film by my friend janus. i helped her with the production tapos nag-extra din ako. akalain mo yun! kabatuhang linya ko si mark anthony fernandez. hahaha!

still sooo early in the morning. sana mag-gabi na (wishful thinking).

i'm beginning to love nerisa again. i've been reading her (again) for the past few days. one super talented lady. you know her? nerisa del carmen guevara. poet. mermaid.

i'm talking shit.

06 September 2006

ahh i created this blog way back in 2004, pero wala pa rin akong nasusulat. subukan natin di ba? since wala naman ako minsang ginagawa at lagi naman akong nag-aadik.